Immediacy and permanency

By now it must be clear for most of us that everything we’ve ever done using virtual Social Networks is there to stay. The fact that instantaneous messages are exchanged at such speeds, coming from every corner of the world makes even big companies shake with fear, some corporations are already dead; and the survivors are quickly changing their ways of production and technological methods in order to stay. If big businesses can’t make anything but adapt, what can we simple beings do?

Know.

Know that when using virtual Social Media everything stays: every word, every picture, every new group and circle creation, the uploaded videos, and absolutely everything that has been posted are there to stay forever. We can’t change that, but we can change the way we do things so that we never regret it.

Know also that messages, pictures, news, and everything else are there at the very second they are posted. These can be shared quickly and the rest of the world can see them within minutes. We all have heard or read about the viral tweets, pictures and videos that get millions of views in less than a day.

So, please know.

Before you post something that may affect somebody else or yourself: be informed and warned about the permanency and immediacy of such actions. It takes only a few keystrokes and clicks to do it, but a lifetime to accept the fact that it is done.

You are what you post/publish

Image is everything.

Well, not exactly. But in a way, what we wear on our backs, the shoes we walk on, the vehicle we use, or glasses, hats, scarves, watches, mobile phone, and all that somehow wraps our body or part of it affects the way we are perceived by others.

However, when it comes to communicating, all those implements suddenly lose importance, and the degree to which they affect such communication diminishes to become practically zero. Surely you’ve met people that dress with the most expensive garments but their social status; education and culture don’t match the fabrics. And most likely you’ve also met those that dress comfortably and humbly and yet their values, morals, knowledge and everything else surpasses by much the other person’s dressing codes.

What marks a huge difference in the virtual Social Networks and all other ways of communicating through these electronic media is that we have to be precise in our conveying of messages. Here, clothing is optional, and the devices we use don’t show up; they are just a mechanism that allows us to talk to each other.

In these instances, the way we express ourselves is the “clothing”. There are no valid pretexts to demonstrate our education is less than what we really have acquired. Trying our best to use proper capitalization, punctuation, syntax and grammar is the way we really show who we are. The type of words we choose, the way we put one after another, the length of the sentences, whether we ask much or say many things; absolutely all that plays a role in outlining our presence.

I have heard and seen people apologizing or giving excuses for their poor typing, explaining that the way they write words is –according to them- fashionable, or that they use all capitals because that way they would write faster not having to accentuate some words, or that doing it this or that way other people won’t notice they don’t have good typing skills or good enough ways to communicate.

Guess what? Fashion comes and goes, while tradition and manners stay; uppercase-only needs punctuation too; and the people we write to and everybody who can read what we post already knows us, right?

If they are in our acquaintances lists, they know us already: they know who and how we are, and even why we are. So, who are we trying to fool?

The way you express yourself here and everywhere else defines you. It outlines who you are and the type of person you are. In brief, it shows your net worth as a person.

Clothing is optional.

Say, What?

So, we are talking to some friends about regular topics when Franc interrupts yelling “Look! I found 10 cents!”

Very likely some of us will simply dismiss the comment; some others might be waiting for the continuation of Franc’s joke, noticing in a few seconds that there is no joke.

Then, some other day in a similar scenario it is Lira who comes crashing: “Look! I found ten dollars!”

Here, some will react and perhaps ask where and how she found the money; some will her to buy something for them too, and so on. This incident very probably would not only interrupt the current topic, but also start a new one.

Then, at a different time it is you who comes jumping and screaming: “Look! I found one hundred dollars!”

See the reaction around, this is really something isn’t it? This would definitely kill whichever current topic is discussed, creating a new instant topic that might linger among us for a long time.

What kind of posts do we do? Do we brag about our ten cents? Are we the types that says “good morning” or “I’m having lunch…” or “I’m tired” simply because we are in front of the screen and have nothing better to say?

Could it simply be our Fear of Isolation and Willingness to Speak Out as Gi Woong Yun and Sung-Yeon Park suggest? (Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, Volume 16, Issue 2, pages 201–227, January 2011, http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2010.01533.x/full#b60).

Are our posts really important or interesting or exciting or at least funny? Do they convey a positive message? Do those make us think and react? Commit to something?

I hope yours do. Above all, I strive to make mine do too.

Contacts Quantity and Quality… are they really ‘friends’?

Note: I received a fair amount of feedback regarding previous Social Networks posts. All very valid, and by the way, of good quality too. From now on, I will try to include a few references on related, specific or touchy subjects, trying not to overwhelm the posts with such mentions.

Who are your acquaintances? Do you know them? Can you tell me what contact # 48 does for a living? Did you accept her simply because of her picture? Is ‘she’ really a ‘he’? What are his intentions? How often does she interact with you?

You know where I’m going.

Francesc Gómez Morales exemplifies through a comic strip in The Small Book of Social Networks, pp. 28, what we really should be asking ourselves before accepting a contact request. We’d better think twice, or ask an existing acquaintance if it is safe to accept Angelina Elektra’s invite, for example.  Not only for our own security, but also to protect those that are in our circles already. In brief: if you don’t know them, don’t include them. You don’t open the door every time somebody knocks, do you?

More than being worried about the people you are including in your acquaintances and that could damage you, what worries me is the people you are including and accepting that somehow will be linked to the rest of us through your profile. After all, I belong in your circles and you and I are already ‘friends’, right?

More worrisome than you shaping my network (Rule # 1, Christakis and Fowler, Connected, pp. 17) what scares me is Rule 4: OUR FRIENDS’ FRIENDS’ FRIENDS AFFECT US (Christakis and Fowler, Connected, pp. 22, http://connectedthebook.com/pdf/excerpt.pdf ).

What that means if is that we are already associated, and the more proximity there is between us, the more likely you can affect me directly. Remember that the entire world population is reachable within six degrees of separation; so the closer we are, the more affected we are by each other’s actions; or lack thereof.

Here’s a challenge: on your most populated Social Network pick two of your contacts at random. If they are really somebody you know there is a high probability the two of them know each other.  Do this three times and note if there is a pattern.

Let’s go further: pick another three at random. Discard family members and pick others in their place instead. Do you know three things about each of the three, such as where you two met, what they do for a living, and who introduced them to you?

Even yonder now: are you sure the pictures in their profiles belong to them?

What if they are gathering as much as possible of your personal information for criminal purposes? How can you stop that now?

Our general feeling is that those acquaintances that do not interact with us much, or that do not do it with anybody else, are people that have forgotten they have an account or that they only use the Social Networks sporadically, and therefore are weak users. However, sometimes those weak links are the ones that represent the biggest threats precisely because of the seemingly passivity associated with them (Mark S. Granovetter, The Strength of Weak Ties, American Journey of Sociology, May, 1973, Stanford University,
http://sociology.stanford.edu/people/mgranovetter/documents/granstrengthweakties.pdf ).

The good news is that it is relatively easy to block or delete such contacts. If you had the time to accept them in our circles, certainly you have time to block or delete them.

Remember that quality will always be more powerful than quantity. A quality relationship equals a lot of mediocre ones. Therefore, a high number of contacts in your profile does not mean much; a close circle of quality acquaintances is way more valuable than an inflated but empty directory.

Remember also that to start filtering and separating the bad apples, you can create circles or groups within the systems. Doing this is even fun sometimes.

Also, tools such as personal or private messages to some of those people you cannot remember with certainty who they are, can also help you realize who’s a friend and who is not.

Who are your friends now?

Nothing Personal

Say, you are at a party, a family reunion or simply hanging out with friends and somebody approaches you offering to sell their products or services. How do you take it? It is fun isn’t it? What? You don’t like it? Really?

Well, let’s imagine the same scenario in the Social Networks you use: are you trying to sell something to your peers, family and friends? If not, great. You are managing your circles in an appropriate way.
If yes, by now you should be aware that there is a place for that. Actually, there are many places for that. In the real world it is not very suitable to mix business and pleasure, and this same standard applies to Social Networks: it does not matter how polished your on-line presence or the goods you are offering are, if you are mixing potential clients with friends, the latter soon will not be there and will try to avoid you like the plague.

The least we can do when we do this is explain on our posts why we are offering such items, or re-invite people in our contacts indicating that your particular profile will be advertising and updating on products constantly. This way, the commercial-bound contacts can stay in your circle or group, and the people who have a warmer relationship with you can opt-out.

The absolute best is to put things in the proper places by:
+ Creating a Website which only intent is to do all the advertising, marketing and updating on what you are selling
+ Opening a Blog with the same intention a fully developed Website would have
+ Creating a Page –or at least a Group- within Facebook, for example; this one can do some of the basics a Website can do, and depending on your on-line ability, it probably would be easier to maintain
+ Use the appropriate ‘Social Networks’ for your service or products: Focus, Linked-In, Xing, Google+, MeetUp, etc.

Do this and you won’t have any problems knowing whether you are socializing or selling. When the lines are blurred between who is a friend or a customer it becomes difficult to establish a particular type of conversation. Trying to exchange words and information becomes awkward for them and for you, and then sooner or later they make a decision on whether you are a friend or a salesperson; once that is decided it stays like that for a long time, probably forever.

Have you had those salesperson experiences on-line? What do you think about the people that do that? Are they still your contacts or friends?

Remember, if your on-line presence in Social Networks is purely business related, do just that. Go all out on selling only, and interact just like a business person.

Nothing Personal.

Social Networks Netiquette

Have you just reposted what a contact or friend said to all his or her friends, which are practically the same ones you have? Do you realize most of those cascading messages are simply ignored precisely because of this?

Have you noticed the only people that reply to your postings are practically the same ones, those that seem to be on-line all day? There is a very important factor that contributes to that.
Netiquette (Etiquette on the Net) for Social Networks has practically the same text rules E-Mail Netiquette does, but there are other parameters to consider when it comes to the former. For example, did you know that what you post will be there forever? Yes, even those rude messages you didn’t really intend to publish are still there.

So to start, here are just a few of the most basic Social Networks Netiquette rules. And by the way, if you really feel the need to repost what has been done already, at least say why you think it is important to be there again.

The basics apply on every type of written communication: be it E-Mail, TXT messages, tweets, posts, etc. Use proper case, avoid abbreviations as much as possible, disregard “fashion” writing, write in just one language (unless of course the message is intended that way), apply correct grammar and syntax, use accents properly, avoid strange symbols if at all possible, and remember that emoticons help somehow but do not convey emotions.
Punctuation matters big time. What you are writing might make sense to you, but for some of us it is difficult to know what you are saying, or whether you are saying anything. Is it a question? Then write it as a question.

I recall one of my acquaintances wrote something very similar to this in a chat session: “the meeting went well, the other guy got the job I was supposed to be. There.” I had a hard time realizing I had missed an important meeting and could not understand why my friend was alright admitting that she did not get a position she wanted to have. It made me feel very bad that I was not there for her, but she seemed to be fine with the outcome. After a few lines back and forth, that I struggled to type apologizing for my fault, I realized that all was a misunderstanding. What she wanted to write was three questions: “The meeting went well? The other guy got the job? I was supposed to be there?”
Turns out such meeting hadn’t taken place, and a simple sentence made both of us go into gray areas explaining and apologizing for something that had not even happened.
Of course, the best way she could have written that would be something like this: “Did the meeting go well? Did the other guy get the job? Was I supposed to be there?”
So, please make it right.

BTW: Acronyms are not really needed in your text, are they? If so, and your audience knows them, by all means use them, but if not, a few mores seconds typing the full words won’t hurt you: and will help the reader lots. (BTW stands for: By The Way)
Remember that jokingly and irony messages do not go through as intended, there is no way to convey emotions in a text message, and some types of verbal communication have no similar in the written world. You cannot infuse tone to a written sentence, unless you are a professional writer and have more room to write; and even so the recipients might misinterpret it. So, be careful when doing those.

WRITING IN ALL CAPS IS LIKE SHOUTING. It creates a strong but often wrong message, so use uppercase-only sparingly. Can you stand someone that shouts all the time? It is also hard to understand what someone shouting wants to say. It is nicer to read lower and mixed case text, proper case or lack of it says lots about you.

Is your conversation private? Make it so then. It becomes awkward when two contacts post something that only involves or interests them. The rest of us do not have the need to know about it. Simply take your friend to private messages or chat and continue there. It would be nice to apologize to the rest about the slip too.

Double check your spelling, grammar and proper sentence structure before hitting “Send”, “Post” or “Tweet”. Remember that lack of those reflects low education and disregard for seriousness.
To close, thank those contacts that communicate appropriately: this is, if their posts are interesting, or help you in any way, say so. Do they make you think, smile, learn, or be positive? Those Netizens deserve recognition. Do not criticize those that always post the same empty messages and you always feel like deleting from your contacts but don’t do out of, um, pity (?)
But do thank and recognize the good ones, especially if they respond to your requests in a timely and appropriate way.

How you use technology affects your communication and presence. Start or res-start with these simple suggestions and your circles will be more enjoyable.

Any suggestions of your own? Do you relate to those specific friends discussed here? What do you think?

Your perception on my Wall

In trying to answer a few questions from someone who strongly believes I’m an expert on these fronts, I realized how little we know about Social Media, despite been using it for so long now.

I’ll start with a challenge:
Go to the local library or bookstore and try to find a book about Social Media that focuses on individuals’ usage and interests. You will mainly find Marketing related books. Try harder and look for something specific to Social Networks sans the marketing component, it is even more difficult.

So, let’s focus on Social Networks and its many branches, uses, benefits and pain points. We’ll touch on the following:
+ Perception
+ Netiquette
+ Personal vs. Business
+ Contacts’ quantity and quality… are they really ‘friends’?
+ Quality and quantity of posts
+ You are what you post/publish
+ …and a few more.

Some of the listed items are intermingled and can’t be easily separated. Therefore let’s start with one of the easiest to understand: perception.

What you see is different from what I see. And not only because we have different backgrounds, education, origins, intelligence, age, culture, thinking, first-language, beliefs, environment, moods, etcetera. It is also because you might be using a specific computer to see your page, while I might be using a totally different computer in terms of display size, browser or App. One of our friends might be using a tablet or an eBook reader or a new Google-based phone; or I might be using a tiny Smartphone which only allows me to see one specific function or section of the full page you are seeing. Also, the type and number of friends I have is different from the ones you have, it is not very likely that some of your contacts are also mine. So, the daily number of posts and messages might be higher for you than it is for me, or vice versa. Also, some specific symbols, accents and emoticons are not posted or ‘converted’ the way you thought or intended; so many things we easily see or thought we typed are not there. Tildes, accents, diereses and some other symbols change sometimes; you might see them on your pages, but others simply see a totally different character.

Therefore, our own perception plays a huge role on the way we interact with each other. There are many factors that alter the way we see things on those streams, pages or walls.
The next time you are about to post something, think about what you want to convey. Easy does it, clarity helps, and target audience matters. Every element of that audience perceives you a little bit differently than everybody else.