Contacts Quantity and Quality… are they really ‘friends’?

Note: I received a fair amount of feedback regarding previous Social Networks posts. All very valid, and by the way, of good quality too. From now on, I will try to include a few references on related, specific or touchy subjects, trying not to overwhelm the posts with such mentions.

Who are your acquaintances? Do you know them? Can you tell me what contact # 48 does for a living? Did you accept her simply because of her picture? Is ‘she’ really a ‘he’? What are his intentions? How often does she interact with you?

You know where I’m going.

Francesc Gómez Morales exemplifies through a comic strip in The Small Book of Social Networks, pp. 28, what we really should be asking ourselves before accepting a contact request. We’d better think twice, or ask an existing acquaintance if it is safe to accept Angelina Elektra’s invite, for example.  Not only for our own security, but also to protect those that are in our circles already. In brief: if you don’t know them, don’t include them. You don’t open the door every time somebody knocks, do you?

More than being worried about the people you are including in your acquaintances and that could damage you, what worries me is the people you are including and accepting that somehow will be linked to the rest of us through your profile. After all, I belong in your circles and you and I are already ‘friends’, right?

More worrisome than you shaping my network (Rule # 1, Christakis and Fowler, Connected, pp. 17) what scares me is Rule 4: OUR FRIENDS’ FRIENDS’ FRIENDS AFFECT US (Christakis and Fowler, Connected, pp. 22, http://connectedthebook.com/pdf/excerpt.pdf ).

What that means if is that we are already associated, and the more proximity there is between us, the more likely you can affect me directly. Remember that the entire world population is reachable within six degrees of separation; so the closer we are, the more affected we are by each other’s actions; or lack thereof.

Here’s a challenge: on your most populated Social Network pick two of your contacts at random. If they are really somebody you know there is a high probability the two of them know each other.  Do this three times and note if there is a pattern.

Let’s go further: pick another three at random. Discard family members and pick others in their place instead. Do you know three things about each of the three, such as where you two met, what they do for a living, and who introduced them to you?

Even yonder now: are you sure the pictures in their profiles belong to them?

What if they are gathering as much as possible of your personal information for criminal purposes? How can you stop that now?

Our general feeling is that those acquaintances that do not interact with us much, or that do not do it with anybody else, are people that have forgotten they have an account or that they only use the Social Networks sporadically, and therefore are weak users. However, sometimes those weak links are the ones that represent the biggest threats precisely because of the seemingly passivity associated with them (Mark S. Granovetter, The Strength of Weak Ties, American Journey of Sociology, May, 1973, Stanford University,
http://sociology.stanford.edu/people/mgranovetter/documents/granstrengthweakties.pdf ).

The good news is that it is relatively easy to block or delete such contacts. If you had the time to accept them in our circles, certainly you have time to block or delete them.

Remember that quality will always be more powerful than quantity. A quality relationship equals a lot of mediocre ones. Therefore, a high number of contacts in your profile does not mean much; a close circle of quality acquaintances is way more valuable than an inflated but empty directory.

Remember also that to start filtering and separating the bad apples, you can create circles or groups within the systems. Doing this is even fun sometimes.

Also, tools such as personal or private messages to some of those people you cannot remember with certainty who they are, can also help you realize who’s a friend and who is not.

Who are your friends now?

Nothing Personal

Say, you are at a party, a family reunion or simply hanging out with friends and somebody approaches you offering to sell their products or services. How do you take it? It is fun isn’t it? What? You don’t like it? Really?

Well, let’s imagine the same scenario in the Social Networks you use: are you trying to sell something to your peers, family and friends? If not, great. You are managing your circles in an appropriate way.
If yes, by now you should be aware that there is a place for that. Actually, there are many places for that. In the real world it is not very suitable to mix business and pleasure, and this same standard applies to Social Networks: it does not matter how polished your on-line presence or the goods you are offering are, if you are mixing potential clients with friends, the latter soon will not be there and will try to avoid you like the plague.

The least we can do when we do this is explain on our posts why we are offering such items, or re-invite people in our contacts indicating that your particular profile will be advertising and updating on products constantly. This way, the commercial-bound contacts can stay in your circle or group, and the people who have a warmer relationship with you can opt-out.

The absolute best is to put things in the proper places by:
+ Creating a Website which only intent is to do all the advertising, marketing and updating on what you are selling
+ Opening a Blog with the same intention a fully developed Website would have
+ Creating a Page –or at least a Group- within Facebook, for example; this one can do some of the basics a Website can do, and depending on your on-line ability, it probably would be easier to maintain
+ Use the appropriate ‘Social Networks’ for your service or products: Focus, Linked-In, Xing, Google+, MeetUp, etc.

Do this and you won’t have any problems knowing whether you are socializing or selling. When the lines are blurred between who is a friend or a customer it becomes difficult to establish a particular type of conversation. Trying to exchange words and information becomes awkward for them and for you, and then sooner or later they make a decision on whether you are a friend or a salesperson; once that is decided it stays like that for a long time, probably forever.

Have you had those salesperson experiences on-line? What do you think about the people that do that? Are they still your contacts or friends?

Remember, if your on-line presence in Social Networks is purely business related, do just that. Go all out on selling only, and interact just like a business person.

Nothing Personal.

Social Networks Netiquette

Have you just reposted what a contact or friend said to all his or her friends, which are practically the same ones you have? Do you realize most of those cascading messages are simply ignored precisely because of this?

Have you noticed the only people that reply to your postings are practically the same ones, those that seem to be on-line all day? There is a very important factor that contributes to that.
Netiquette (Etiquette on the Net) for Social Networks has practically the same text rules E-Mail Netiquette does, but there are other parameters to consider when it comes to the former. For example, did you know that what you post will be there forever? Yes, even those rude messages you didn’t really intend to publish are still there.

So to start, here are just a few of the most basic Social Networks Netiquette rules. And by the way, if you really feel the need to repost what has been done already, at least say why you think it is important to be there again.

The basics apply on every type of written communication: be it E-Mail, TXT messages, tweets, posts, etc. Use proper case, avoid abbreviations as much as possible, disregard “fashion” writing, write in just one language (unless of course the message is intended that way), apply correct grammar and syntax, use accents properly, avoid strange symbols if at all possible, and remember that emoticons help somehow but do not convey emotions.
Punctuation matters big time. What you are writing might make sense to you, but for some of us it is difficult to know what you are saying, or whether you are saying anything. Is it a question? Then write it as a question.

I recall one of my acquaintances wrote something very similar to this in a chat session: “the meeting went well, the other guy got the job I was supposed to be. There.” I had a hard time realizing I had missed an important meeting and could not understand why my friend was alright admitting that she did not get a position she wanted to have. It made me feel very bad that I was not there for her, but she seemed to be fine with the outcome. After a few lines back and forth, that I struggled to type apologizing for my fault, I realized that all was a misunderstanding. What she wanted to write was three questions: “The meeting went well? The other guy got the job? I was supposed to be there?”
Turns out such meeting hadn’t taken place, and a simple sentence made both of us go into gray areas explaining and apologizing for something that had not even happened.
Of course, the best way she could have written that would be something like this: “Did the meeting go well? Did the other guy get the job? Was I supposed to be there?”
So, please make it right.

BTW: Acronyms are not really needed in your text, are they? If so, and your audience knows them, by all means use them, but if not, a few mores seconds typing the full words won’t hurt you: and will help the reader lots. (BTW stands for: By The Way)
Remember that jokingly and irony messages do not go through as intended, there is no way to convey emotions in a text message, and some types of verbal communication have no similar in the written world. You cannot infuse tone to a written sentence, unless you are a professional writer and have more room to write; and even so the recipients might misinterpret it. So, be careful when doing those.

WRITING IN ALL CAPS IS LIKE SHOUTING. It creates a strong but often wrong message, so use uppercase-only sparingly. Can you stand someone that shouts all the time? It is also hard to understand what someone shouting wants to say. It is nicer to read lower and mixed case text, proper case or lack of it says lots about you.

Is your conversation private? Make it so then. It becomes awkward when two contacts post something that only involves or interests them. The rest of us do not have the need to know about it. Simply take your friend to private messages or chat and continue there. It would be nice to apologize to the rest about the slip too.

Double check your spelling, grammar and proper sentence structure before hitting “Send”, “Post” or “Tweet”. Remember that lack of those reflects low education and disregard for seriousness.
To close, thank those contacts that communicate appropriately: this is, if their posts are interesting, or help you in any way, say so. Do they make you think, smile, learn, or be positive? Those Netizens deserve recognition. Do not criticize those that always post the same empty messages and you always feel like deleting from your contacts but don’t do out of, um, pity (?)
But do thank and recognize the good ones, especially if they respond to your requests in a timely and appropriate way.

How you use technology affects your communication and presence. Start or res-start with these simple suggestions and your circles will be more enjoyable.

Any suggestions of your own? Do you relate to those specific friends discussed here? What do you think?

Your perception on my Wall

In trying to answer a few questions from someone who strongly believes I’m an expert on these fronts, I realized how little we know about Social Media, despite been using it for so long now.

I’ll start with a challenge:
Go to the local library or bookstore and try to find a book about Social Media that focuses on individuals’ usage and interests. You will mainly find Marketing related books. Try harder and look for something specific to Social Networks sans the marketing component, it is even more difficult.

So, let’s focus on Social Networks and its many branches, uses, benefits and pain points. We’ll touch on the following:
+ Perception
+ Netiquette
+ Personal vs. Business
+ Contacts’ quantity and quality… are they really ‘friends’?
+ Quality and quantity of posts
+ You are what you post/publish
+ …and a few more.

Some of the listed items are intermingled and can’t be easily separated. Therefore let’s start with one of the easiest to understand: perception.

What you see is different from what I see. And not only because we have different backgrounds, education, origins, intelligence, age, culture, thinking, first-language, beliefs, environment, moods, etcetera. It is also because you might be using a specific computer to see your page, while I might be using a totally different computer in terms of display size, browser or App. One of our friends might be using a tablet or an eBook reader or a new Google-based phone; or I might be using a tiny Smartphone which only allows me to see one specific function or section of the full page you are seeing. Also, the type and number of friends I have is different from the ones you have, it is not very likely that some of your contacts are also mine. So, the daily number of posts and messages might be higher for you than it is for me, or vice versa. Also, some specific symbols, accents and emoticons are not posted or ‘converted’ the way you thought or intended; so many things we easily see or thought we typed are not there. Tildes, accents, diereses and some other symbols change sometimes; you might see them on your pages, but others simply see a totally different character.

Therefore, our own perception plays a huge role on the way we interact with each other. There are many factors that alter the way we see things on those streams, pages or walls.
The next time you are about to post something, think about what you want to convey. Easy does it, clarity helps, and target audience matters. Every element of that audience perceives you a little bit differently than everybody else.

It’s been a while…

I know. And I guess I have to start by explaining a few things. However, please know that I have not stopped writing during all this time. The only difference, or better said, the main difference is that my writing has gone on a self-imposed journey; one of research and development, for lack of a better explanation. See, I have been writing to acquaintances in different fields and geographical areas, I’ve written to those that understand me perfectly and reply with good information and feedback. I’ve done it on a few specific projects. I’ve written to those that don’t know even how to write and that can provide valuable input on an ‘experimental’ area. I’ve written what can be said publicly in a privately only-one-recipient form, and what is private in a public manner (with some discretion, of course). I’ve written in Spanish, English and even French, and I’ve written using smart phones, computers, pen and paper, and even on the sand, on dirty car glasses, and have even left anonymous messages on whiteboards. I’ve done a lot of the opposite too: read master authors, read no-substance magazine articles, read lots friends’ posts in Social Media, etc. etc. In brief, I have not stopped. Also, life has intervened. Plans have had to be changed many times and some have had to be postponed for weeks, and even months. So, please know that I’m still here. I just needed some time to put some obstacles aside, organize a few other factors and accomplish a long-term plan that has finally come to completion. I am auto imposing the resolution to be not more active on this front no, but simply collect results and start posting and re-posting all those messages, ideas and happenings. So, hang on: there are a few surprises coming.